Troll Fic: Ratchet and Clank: A Crank in Fk in your Arsenal
by AlternateUniverseExplorer
Summary: This fan fic is supposed to be bad. I wrote it about a month ago for my DeviantArt


**Ratchet and Clank: A Crank in F**k in Your Arsenal**

Jokes aside, the galaxy needed saving…again. There's more than just rescuing a bloody princess who's always in another castle. The heroes and heroines of the freaking beloved gaming industry were as likeable as they were before in the world of fictional stuff. However, for some reason, the cutest robot in the freaking beloved gaming industry decided to act like a horny little tin can and stare at the space rat's apparently sexy ass for about an hour.

"Clank…" Ratchet said with an awkwardly aroused expression on his furry, obviously yellow face. "…what's your motivation for acting like a total pervert and staring at my butt?"

"Didn't you see it coming, Ratchet?" Clank replied in a creepy, yet seductive voice. "I've always been on a Quest for Booty. Lombax booty."

"Ewwww! Robot cooties!" the lombax wailed, rushing into his room to put on his armour and save the galaxy once again, or at least look badass while smashing the crap out of stuff with his wrench. Don't worry fangirls. Ratchet only said that to try and hide his true…loving…sweetly sick…quite disturbing desires for his sidekick.

"Swiggity swooty! Coming for the lombax booty!" Clank chanted, still hypnotized by his horrifyingly romantic fetish-for-lombax-booty-fantasys as he still looked perverted and drunk from last night's robot stag party. Wait, do robots get drunk? Maybe they get drunk with the wrong kind of oil. Captain Qwark was the one who spiked his pint of oil, but he's not part of this story, so Ratchet did not bother to confront him about it.

"Clank! There's no time for yaoi! Leave that sh*t to the fangirls! We need to save the galaxy! The first planet we will be going to…is Earth!"

Little did our heroes know that on the Planet Earth…well, maybe not our Earth…the infamously infamous Sly Cooper was having his cane in Carmelita Fox's office? The experience was hotter than a freaking jalapeño. And then they were as exhausted as hell, not wearing any clothes and covered in salad dressing…and a bit of ketchup. Hurray for pointless cameos!

"Ay caramba! That was worth all those years of trying to arrest you, ringtail!" the furry betch sighed, sounding rather high.

"I know, señorita. I guess not wearing any pants during my heists worked." the writer's waifu replied far too sexually and far too lustfully, wiping the salad dressing off of the sexy grey chest and abs that many fangirls would get nosebleeds over. Bentley and Murray could not be featured in this story since they were too busy reading Gameboy magazines and playing Playboy Advance games. And Sly suddenly remembered that last night, he somehow ended up having his cane in Sonic the Hedgehog's item box…and loved it. Soap opera alert! He suddenly felt guilt, a sh*t load of guilt. He couldn't bare feeling the feeling bad feeling. He felt as if he felt bad.

"Wait!" he shouted, standing up. "Inspector Fox. I…I only liked you for your bewbs! I'm so freaking sorry! I'M A HEART BREAKER!" And then he quickly left the van before he lost his sanity, leaving poor Inspector Fox heartbroken…and suddenly shocked that he forgot to put his clothes back on. Bentley and Murray also liked Carmelita for her boobs, but they just couldn't admit it…just in case they would get their asses kicked back to 2002.

Sly Cooper ran past a pooper scooper and made it to some night club that you would see in Grand Theft Auto. Just look at the freaking detail of that night club! There was bound to be a sh*t ton of strippers there! But what does this have to do with Ratchet and Clank? I have no freaking clue. Just shut up and keep reading.

"Sonic! Sonic!" he screamed. "Where art thou Sonic?!" But instead of finding the blue blur, Sly found Lara Croft, who was another pointless cameo. Even though he found her to be dead f**king sexy in her ripped evening dress, she looked really pissed off after killing an entire army of rabbids, which was the reason why no one gives a crap about them anymore and everyone gives a giant pile of crappy sh*tting crap about the yellow minions. Banana!

"She terk me jerb!" cried Rayman, the fifth pointless cameo next to all of the dead rabbids. Lara pointed her guns at the naked sex-symbol raccoon and the limbless man with the water melon shaped nose…who secretly had a fetish for the rabbids.

"You both suck! Sonic is mine! You two can just die!" she yelled. Holy freaking sh*t! Everyone wants to be Sonic the Hedgehog's lover!

"No! Sonic is my waifu!" Rayman screamed, showing his candy engagement ring. "I've drawn a lot of sexy pictures of him!" Sly Koopa could not f**king believe it! He became all scared and creeped out, out of character. As she growled like a bulldog on steroids, Lara Craft pulled the triggers, but instead of bullets…the guns fired lotsa spaghetti! How dramatic! Sly then pushed some guy out of his car and stole it, not giving a damn about the poor Rayman to escape the wrath of the crazy brown haired betch and was never seen again…until he finds the beloved Sonic the freaking Hedgehog…Rayman's apparent waifu.

Meanwhile, Jak and Daxter were just sitting on a rock after failing so much at Flappy Bird and Sonic 06, looking rather bored and fed up. They have not been famous for f**king years! Moar pointless cameos! Don't you just love crossovers no matter what? No matter how horrible and poorly planned out they are? :)

"Ratchet and Clank are getting a movie…and Sly Cooper's getting a movie…WHERE'S OUR FREAKING MOVIE?!" the womanizing yet annoying otter-weasel thing muttered, then screamed…probably on his time of the month.

"Your question pretty much sums up our fanbase in 2015, Dax." the Link reject added who now had a blonde emo haircut since he wasn't a fan of Naruto anymore. "I guess we're going to end up like Bubsy the Goddamn Bobcat. Washed up and completely broke…"

"Hey Jak." Daxter said, looking very cute…yet a little sad. "I have a confession to make." The two stared at each other, looking like each other as usual. "I am a Belieber! I love Justin Bieber!" DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Jak then left him. And they never spoke to each other again…until ten minutes later, they had strawberry milkshakes together in Mushroom Kingdom. Mario and Luigi were there too, wondering why Bowser never kidnaps Daisy and Rosalina was a hentai. Moar f**king pointless cameos again. But then Jak admitted that he was a Twilight fan now, which caused Daxter to slap him…and then beat the sh*t out of him. It was still a better love story than Twilight…obviously.

AND NOW FOR A COMPLETELY CAPTIALISED PARAGRAPH TO F**KING SPICE THINGS UP! RATCHET AND CLANK THEN ARRIVED AT MUSHROOM KINGDOM. FOR NO F**KING REASON, RATCHET TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF SINCE HE SOLD HIS ARMOR ON EBAY.

"I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!" HE CHEERED. HOLY CRAP! MOAR FAN SERVICE! ALL THE TOADS WATCHED HIM. SOME OF THEM WERE TURNED ON. THE OTHERS FAINTED AND LOOKED LIKE THEY HAVE DIED. AND CLANK BEGAN TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM MADLY, EVEN THOUGH ROBOTS DO NOT HAVE F**KING LIPS! IT GROSSED OUT THE TOADS WHO WERE TURNED ON BY RATCHET'S CHEST, CAUSING THEM TO EXPLODE LIKE BOMBERMAN'S BOMBS! THE HORNY ROBOT TORE THE SUDDENLY CRAZY CAT ALIEN'S PANTS OFF LIKE A MADMAN, AND THEN RATCHET LOOKED CONKER-THE-SQUIRRELLY DRUNK, ALMOST LIKE A F**KING SPARKLY VAMPIRE AND PINNED HIM DOWN, LOOKING F**KING CRAZY….AND SUDDENLY REALISING THAT HE DID HAVE A REASON TO TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT LIKE A STRIPPER! CAPTIALISED LETTERS MAKE LITERATURE SO MUCH MORE READABLE!

"CLANK!" THE SEXY LOMBAX CRIED. "I WANT TO TELL YOU THE TURTH! I FEEL THE SAME WAY, MAN! I WANNA F**K YOU…UP YOUR ARSENAL!" NOT KNOWING THAT THEY WERE KIDS WATCHING, HE FLIPPED HIS BEST FRIEND, NOW LOVER ONTO HIS METAL BELLEH…

And then…another magical moment happened. Come on, you know what happened! It wasn't just that…Clank did him up his arsenal as well. Size matters, my ass.

Ratchet put his shirt back on, catching his breath, looking stoned, covered in dark chocolate…which tasted pretty bad. He couldn't believe it. He and his best friend…now forbidden lover…f**king did do it. They did the Sims 2 Woohoo, just like how Sly Blooper and Carmelita F**ks did it…only a little dirtier. Once his hole was punched...there was no refund.

"Holy crap…" Ratchet the sexy lombacks said, looking at his torn pants. "We forgot to save the galaxy!"

"Don't worry about the galaxy, my dear Ratchet." Clank whispered, suddenly pole dancing like a ballerina on his left leg, completely out of character just like everyone else. "I have completed my Quest for Booty. Oh how I loved thrusting my USB into your port, my dear Ratchey baby. And the sight of your yellow wrench too." The pantless cat alien then frowned at the little walking toaster with green christmas lights for eyes…who was muttering his new catchphrase over and over again in his mind.

"You remind me of my younger self, Clank. How I wish I could beat him with a lead pipe. At least you enjoy pole dancing, unlike him." Clank began to pole dance on his another leg, not giving a sh*t about the dead Toads…and the fact that the gaming industry is ruined forever. First Rosalina being a hentai, now Ratchet losing his V-card to a passionately pole dancing robot...who does not usually pole dance by the way.

"Sexy lombax booty…" Clank crooned Clankly, looking up at Ratchet Ratchetly, still pole dancing pole dancingly. Princess Peach was in her bikini, shaking dat ass…but failing to get noticed by the pantless lombacks and horny robutt. No one gave a sh*t about her, even though she was inspired by Rosalina and Palutena to be hentai as well. She thought about secks, secks and more secks. But then, Desmond the Moon Bear showed up and said,

"How did I get here?"

The End.


End file.
